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Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Tug of War

This picture accurately describes how I feel right now, with me feeling like the rope. I have been really patient with the blogging the past month or so because I wanted to be sure before posting anything and there have been so many changes!

We started out by being given a date. An official date of transfer. September 20th was it. We had it! It was finally here. I was so excited and I wanted to blog about it immediately. However, something inside of me said I should wait incase things changed. I felt us moving in the right direction as a part of our lovely tug of war.

So, because IM had previously worked with another clinic (she had another surro that didnt work out before me) and her Embryo's had been there. When we were doing contracts, she was considering switching from the one clinic which I had heard terrible things about, to NEFI, which I had heard great things about. Well, as a part of working with the other, unnammed clinic - she had to go to a third clinic to have her embryo's extracted and they were housed at that location.

We didnt find out until we got our 9/20 date, that the third clinic was going to have a bunch of additional steps in order to allow the embryo's to be released from their clinic and transferred to NEFI. Oh boy. So, we started out with all of these steps. They told IM that she had to go to the US Consulate in Sweden. What in the world?! After some probing - I was able to find out that they wanted something notarized. All of a sudden, I felt like we were going the opposite direction in game of tug of war.

Being that I grew up overseas, I have often had to deal with finding a US comparible notary in another country. So, I let IM know what I would try first - especially because the consulate couldnt get her in until the end of September - past our transfer date! She went to the place that I found via google and it appears to be good. Documents were sent out Monday of last week to the third clinic.

NEFI cannot proceed with me until the third clinic gets the originals. Which seems, annoying but I suppose I can understand it. So, yesterday I spoke to NEFI and they let me know the Septemeber 20th transfer is officially cancelled. Sigh. They explained that I would have had to of started meds either last week or this week and they cant give me meds without the embryos being in house.

So, feeling defeted and sad for IM, I emailed her to let her know what I knew. It has been important to both IM and I that we stay in communication with one another. Right now, we are a team. Working towards the one goal - to get the IP's a baby! We need to make sure that we are all on the same page at all times. And right now, that can be hard because there are so many cooks in the kitchen. We have done a good job of it, though. IM was obviously very upset that the September transfer was cancelled. I wish I had more answers for her as to why, and how, and what now - but I simply did not.

Late last night I realized that I only had about another week of birth control left. If we werent doing a September transfer, I would need more. I emailed NEFI to let our contact know to please place the order. This morning when I woke up to read her reply, she explained that I will no longer be taking BC as we are proceeding without the embryos being in house! WHAT?! That's great news! Even though it is great news, and I am SO happy, this is about where I began to feel like the rope in the tug of war. So much back and forth and confusion. I really am a person who likes to set expectations and stick to them. Obviously, I am going to learn a new way with the surrogacy process as things can change so easily.

She said she will call me later today to explain what is happening, however, I can assume that she is overnighting me some medications to start tomorrow and that we are either going for a September 20th transfer, or shortly thereafter. I emailed IM to let her know immediately. The response I received was "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!". Needless to say, it sounds like she is just as excited as I am. (plus, I am secretly over the moon to not have to take these bc pills anymore as they make me super nauseous and sick).


  1. So excited for you!!!! We might be transfer buddies after all. Would be awesome if we were on the same day since I'll be by myself with nobody to talk to in the recover room. Can't wait to hear the update!

    1. Here's hoping! That would be awesome, Chana!

  2. That does seem exhausting! Happy for your good news!