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Monday, January 6, 2014


We had to take a second BETA test because last weeks results were really low. Todays test came back.... Negative. We have lost our little embryo. :(

Its an odd feeling, loosing a baby that isn't yours. I wanted this so badly for the IPs. They deserved it, they wanted it, I wanted this for them.

I feel guilty. I feel bad. Is there something I could have done differently to make this work?

In all honesty, I know that it is not my fault. Whats meant to be, will be. It doesnt make it easier, though.

I have gotten a lot of questions about what's next. Well, My intentions are to stay with my IPs as long as they want to keep trying. I was under the impression that they did not want to proceed if this transfer did not work, but nothing has been discussed today. So, we will see how they feel. If they do not want to proceed, I will start the process to find another family that I can match with to help them on their journey for a baby.

That's about where we stand right now... now let the period from hell commence.


  1. sorry to hear you lost the baby. i m/c'ed my surro twins almost 2 years ago and it's hard to not blame yourself. you did everything right! keep your chin up!

  2. Thinking of you, Kelly. I am anxious to hear what happens next for you. Keep your chin up girl.