When I started considering becoming a surrogate, there was just so much to consider. A friend had mentioned that she had done egg donation through an agency and I had no idea what either of those things meant. I started researching egg donation and found a lot of information about surrogacy.
Surrogacy was something I was aware of, but not familiar with. I have a very close friend in Australia who was, at that point in time, considering searching for a surrogate as their IVF treatments were not working. I had discussed with her about her experiences, even though she did not ultimately need to proceed with the surrogacy, it was very interesting to learn about.
That is when I started my research. I found so many blogs that, in looking back, helped me define my decision. From that point on it was easy for me. I read as many blogs as I could find, as many articles, as many web forums, as many online books as I possibly could. I found a lot of great information and it seemed to be very honest, but as this is the internet, and you truly never know (I think about that State Farm commercial "they can't put anything on the internet that isn't true! Here is my French Boyfriend I met on the Internet" "Bonjour!") I started to reach out to friends of friends who could give me some answers to questions in a one on one setting. Turns out the theory of "six degrees of separation" really came into handy when looking for people I may know who have done Surrogacy.
First, I posted in my birth board. When I had my Son, we went onto Baby Center and joined a board full of women who were all due August 2011. We then migrated to Facebook (a secret group, so no one can see our posts about baby poop, stretch marks and anything else pregnancy/baby related) and have maintained our friendships and watched them all blossom, while talking about all things baby/toddler related, along with some random topics thrown in from time to time. I asked if they had opinions on becoming a Gestational Surrogate, if they knew anyone who had done it, and what their experiences may be.
I got a lot of great feedback. There were quite a few that were puzzled and did not understand why someone would want to be pregnant again, but I feel like I am a realist, and I expected some people to have this kind of response. A few women on there were able to connect me with friends and family who had been surrogates. My first question was one that I assume would be the obvious for most people. I'm not so concerned about the hormones, the matching process, the pregnancy itself, my biggest question was "What was it like to go through the pregnancy and then hand the baby over at birth?".
To date - every single person I have asked, has said that while you do have some emotions about it (to be expected!) It's different than with your own child/children because you go into it knowing this child is not yours from the get go. I cannot say how I will feel when my time comes, I cannot begin to imagine. What I do know though, is that my support system is strong. I have faith that they can pull me through anything that I cannot do myself.
I then brought the topic to my Fiance. I was not sure how he would react. He might shut me down immediately and that would be that. So I approached the topic, and asked what he thought of it. My Fiance, (M) is an amazing man. He is so supportive. On the downside, he is so straight to the point, no nonsense. So I was worried that he might view surrogacy as nonsense. We talked it though and his question to me was "Why?" and I was so confident in my response when I told him "My life changed when we had little M, and I want to be able to help someone have their own baby and open them up to the same happiness that I have experienced". Much to my surprise, he said "Ok". We were able to discuss in more detail, further, but that's what I was looking for, his OK.
Next step - find an agency and start the process!!